my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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