My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
