Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
