so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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