The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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