Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dicks are not precious.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
