i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think my mom watched the whole time
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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