The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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