you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
