I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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