i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
