Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The Olympian is in my bed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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