My friends, they love my intelligence
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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