I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
