I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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