also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
how does that bad decision feel?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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