dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
