I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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