just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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