girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
