So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
