Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Randomize
