all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
