yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
