i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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