What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
