Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
