Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
