i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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