i may or may not be watching the land before time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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