you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
