she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
