Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The uberlube is also flammable
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
