Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
