why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
