you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
