my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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