I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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