He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
