I think I died a long time ago.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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