I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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