we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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