We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He shit in the fireplace
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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