You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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