Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The power of my boobs compel you
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
