this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
