The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
