Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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