How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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