you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
