Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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