Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
