didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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