Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Randomize
