I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
