im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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