I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
