does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
COCAINE IS GR8
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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