I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
