She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize