Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
