he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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