Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
