what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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