I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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