she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
