It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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