my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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