i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
