my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Floor bacon is actually really good
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