I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
