Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
