yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize