God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
