Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
