Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
did you just send me my own nude
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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