I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
