i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.