when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.