i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?