and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that