it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.