The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
