Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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